Weighting on Wednesday: No, thank you, I’m already Puerto Rican

March 23, 2011

In which we take a brief respite from shilling my work as a young adult author to consider body image issues and representations thereof in the popular culture.

Via my fave feminist bloggers at Jezebel.com, finally, a product to give you “Latino curves!

Writes Morning Gloria:

“Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wished your body was more curvy? You know, like a Latino? Well, worry no more, for a glorious new product called “Bodyshapers,” with packaging that promises to give you the curves of a Latino (which we all know is the curviest of ethnicities), for one low, low price.”

Hmm.

While I am no stranger to shapewear (I do love me some Spanx tights, to be sure), I’m definitely someone who values comfort above almost all else. When I got married in December 2009, the seamstress at the bridal shop was dead set on sewing a corset into my gown, and in the end, actually, I caved to her very strong suggestion, because it was ultimately the path of least resistance (it also happened to be the best way to get the dress to hang smoothly on my Latina curves).

But, I mean, that was my wedding. Theoretically, a once-in-a-lifetime event. And while I was way too keyed up for the duration of the event to notice, once the whole big shebang was over and I was back in my hotel and out of high heels, it suddenly became all too apparent that, indeed, I was wearing a corset.

Why yes, that is my absolute, most natural posture. Also, a completely unforced grin.

I shan’t be doing so again any time in the foreseeable future.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever donned in the name of beauty?

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4 Responses to “Weighting on Wednesday: No, thank you, I’m already Puerto Rican”

  1. Lily Golightly Says:

    I think that is complete false advertising. I am pretty sure the latina ‘curves’ hoopla is really focused on the, well, rear end and less on the torso. Example- see Jennifer Lopez and just tell me that your eyes aren’t drawn directly to her rump. If that corset doesn’t provide a fantastic ass pad or something of that nature, it is a total crock. And in that picture you look fantastic. But flaunt that latina look by putting on some fantastic booty shorts or a dress that hugs your badonkadonk and amen sista- you got it.

    Worst thing I’ve donned in the name of beauty? Hair extensions after a friend botched my hair cut to the point of no return. Worst moment was when I was at a party with my crush and he went to run his fingers through *my* hair and it ended up coming out in his hands. I was mortified. The end.

    Now please see exhibit A in the name of booty-

  2. micolostow Says:

    Extensions seem painful! Or, at least, that’s what “America’s Next Top Model” would have me believe.


  3. I’ve wanted a corset since I saw Mammy lacing up Scarlett when I was 10. Never worn one though. I didn’t know they came with ethnic designations.

    The worst? Eyelash extensions killed me. Hated the application process, hated the tangles I woke up to each morning that had to be combed out with a tiny brush. SILLINESS! (This was for a magazine story–I never could have paid that much for this torture.) However, I did get some of that Neu-Lash grower stuff, and it was like MAGIC.

    • micolostow Says:

      I was honestly a-ok all day, and then, all of a sudden, the dress was the heaviest thing in the world. It was probably related to the three slices of red velvet cake.
      Eyelashes and teeth are the last frontier of grooming, to me. It used to be ok to be reasonably fit and well-presented, but now, suddenly, teeth are never white enough and EYELASHES are never long enough. I never thought I’d feel inadequate about my eyelashes.
      But those growth serums scare me because of the warning about how they may spontaneously change the color of your eyes! We’ll have to discuss further.

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